It’s been a second, hasn’t it? I’m a creature of habit, and I haven’t yet created the habit of blog posting. I’m still working on taking out the trash every Tuesday. … or, at all.
Since my last posting, I hit the big 2-4. I had a moment of feeling old. Then I remembered that my boyfriend is 31 and felt a lot better.
Now that you’re all updated, I need to let you in on my newest love: pimento cheese. Until recently, I refused to eat it on the basis of it looking unappetizing and having mayonnaise as a main ingredient. The mayonnaise-based things that I actually have tried have all disappointed me: potato salad, macaroni salad, deviled eggs, etc.
However, I recently witnessed the making of homemade pimento cheese with plain greek yogurt as the base. It was a chunky delight, not an overly-processed orange mess like you find in the grocery store. Pimento cheese + various vegetables sandwiches have become my new love for a filling, delicious, and long-keeping lunch.
I decided to make some myself to keep in the fridge in case of withdrawal. Like all the cooking I do, I took inventory of several recipes and then create my own based on:
A) What’s in my pantry, and
B) Whatever cooking method seems both taste-inducing and quick.
This Chowhound thread on the subject of pimento cheese appalled me.
One poster said:
“It’s awesome though and FYI super easy to make (grated cheese, mayo, seasoning of your choice, a little cream cheese, and some pimentos).”
The response?
“I could make pimento cheese a weekend DIY project, but more likely I will pick up the homemade version at Fil-Am Market.”
Whaaa’? It literally takes less time to make pimento cheese than to make coffee. Or a peanut butter sandwich. Or jack off in the shower.
Re-paving your driveway is a weekend DIY project. Making pimento cheese isn’t even worthy of a 30-Minute Meals with Rachael Ray episode.
So, here’s how you make it:
– Take an amount of shredded cheddar cheese, maybe a couple of cups.
– Add in an amount of diced pimento peppers (usually found in a jar in the pickles section of your grocery) that satisfies your spicyness. I used half a jar for about half a 24 oz bag of shredded sharp cheddar.
– Add in an amount of a binding agent that you have on hand or find really tasty (plain Greek yogurt, cream cheese, or some Duke’s mayonnaise, if you prefer). I added a few spoonfuls of yogurt. Start out with a little and add until it reaches the desired consistency.
– Optional: Grated onion, garlic, chopped walnuts, WHATEVER. I recommend walnuts and chipotle powder.
You can mix with a spoon until it binds, or throw it in a food processor if you enjoy eating baby food. Take home point? This is hard to fuck up. Almost impossible.
So do it. And try it on a grilled cheese, or with a salad, or mix it with some grapes and stuff it in a pita … or eat it by the spoonful late at night before you go to bed because you’re too lazy to make a real snack.
No, I totally don’t do that. Yes, I’m totally a liar.
What’s most appalling about this is that I’m a Southern girl who only recently has decided to love pimento cheese. Think of the disaster my life would’ve been if I had moved to another part of the country without pimento cheese and never successfully marked this off my “Real Southern Girl” To-Do list. Next? Develop an unnatural tan, bleach my teeth, and in all pictures pose with my hands on hips, standing to the side.
Just wanted to share: While typing this, I received a phone call from a co-worker asking me to pick up something before I came in. “I’m still three sheets to the wind, and fell asleep in the McDonald’s drive-thru while ordering breakfast.”
God bless her and God bless pimento cheese.
Black Coffee, Yellow Dog 